Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
