Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i would punch a child for taco bell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
