I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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