who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
