how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
