Can i not drive my cunt home
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
