Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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