I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
