If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
