i just made my gag reflex go away.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
