apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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