you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
