You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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