my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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