my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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