I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
