The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
