What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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