I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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