Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
