What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Terrible idea I love it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
