Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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