Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
