omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
