Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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