I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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