In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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