my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
