i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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