My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
