just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
