I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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