I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
