why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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