would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
