Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize