No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
