Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
