you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
