escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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