I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
