So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
