and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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