After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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