She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
