you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
