She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
