I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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