He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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