My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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