His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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