hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's JV to your varsity
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
