She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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