I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
