She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize