i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
