Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
50% drunk capacity currently
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
