I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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