My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
