there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
