I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
