Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
