I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
