i just google imaged poop.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize