how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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