i think my mom watched the whole time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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