omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
