But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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