First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
