No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
