Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
