I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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