he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
